Friday, August 11, 2006

Translating 'Murthaspeak'

Showing that she's got a sense of humor, Diana Irey issued a press release on Murtha's post at the Huffington Post. I'll simply let the letter speak for itself because I doubt I could do better.
Washington County Commissioner and Pennsylvania 12th district Republican Congressional nominee Diana Irey, responding to today's post by Jack Murtha on the left-wing Hollywood blog "Huffington Post", today released the following statement:
"Today, Jack Murtha further confirmed that he has turned his back on his constituents in southwestern Pennsylvania, in favor of his liberal Democratic allies in San Francisco and Hollywood. His post on the Hollywood blog 'Huffington Post' sounds so reasonable, unless, that is, you understand how to translate 'Murthaspeak' into 'English.' Allow me to demonstrate:
"When Jack Murtha says, 'The war in Iraq is the No. 1 issue in the country today. Americans are no longer willing to accept the human suffering or the financial toll of a war that has lasted for 3 ½ years with no end in sight,' what he means is 'Defending ourselves from terrorists is the number one issue in the country today, but I can't say that out loud, because, given my outrageous comments and my demand for immediate withdrawal/surrender, my constituents might just redeploy me out of the Congress. So instead, I'll use the phrase 'war in Iraq,' because after a time, EVERY war becomes somewhat unpopular.
"When Jack Murtha says, 'The numbers speak for themselves,' what he means is, 'But letting numbers speak for themselves doesn't serve my political agenda, so let me recount them for you again, but I'll make sure to include only the numbers that will depress you: body counts and casualties. I won't say a word about the 25 million Iraqis who now enjoy freedom they never knew before, and I won't say a word about the millions of children who are now going to school in Iraq, and I won't say a word about the millions of Iraqis who are working hard every day to establish a vibrant democracy in the heart of the Middle East.'
"When Jack Murtha says, 'Yet the administration refuses to budge from its open-ended, stay-the-course policy,' what he means is, 'Darn it, I wish I had the President's intestinal fortitude, when this guy makes up his mind to accomplish something important, he won't let anything stand in his way, totally unlike me. I mean, I pushed Ronald Reagan to withdraw U.S. troops from Beirut the moment the going got tough, and I pushed Bill Clinton to withdraw U.S. troops from Somalia the moment the going got tough. And I know all we got in return for our withdrawal was a "Why, thank you, stupid Americans, now we'll go kill some more of your soldiers" from al-Qaeda, but, darn it, how was I to know?'
"And when Jack Murtha says, 'I know it and the American people know it: We need to redeploy our troops to the periphery and refocus on the real war against terrorism. It's long past the time for us to change direction,' what he really means is, 'I hope to goodness no one remembers how I stuck my foot in my mouth on "Meet the Press" when I said we could redeploy to Okinawa. Maybe if I keep saying "real war on terrorism" loud enough and long enough, they'll overlook the fact that I'm really calling for America to raise the white flag.'"
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Cross-post at LetFreedomRingBlog